Even though I am dealing with all these emotions and left wondering Gods plan, I don't understand why I have to go through this pain again. I was fine with having 3 boys and knowing my dream of having a daughter was not going to happen and I was ok with that. Than SURPRISE here is a baby that I had not planned on having.. I was DONE.. We were not wanting 4 kids and here I am with a 1 year old and a baby on the way what am I going to do, abortion was not an option I was going to have 4 kids oh my. I had not planned on that. I was trying not to get my hopes up this time, but I thought maybe this is the girl I wanted, maybe this is the sister my oldest prayed for. Everyone kept telling me its a girl they just know it, and well I got my hopes up.. When the blue balloons and the blue cake revealed that it was a boy I cried. My dreams were shattered once again. I know this baby is going to be love heck he is loved, so I just have to heal my broken heart and understand that Gods plan is better than the one I had for myself. Yes I am human and question they whys and what ifs, but I also understand that God has it all under control. I know there are women out there who can't have children and would love to have any child of any gender. I know there are women who are in the same position as me wanting a child of a certain sex and can't get their desire. I know its a miracle and children are a blessing. Yes hes healthy and that much is wonderful. So give me a few, and I will get over the hurt and deal with my emotions and than it wont matter. I know when I see his face and hear him cry that I wouldn't trade him for a girl for nothing..
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